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Negotiations can only occur successfully if the 2 parties operate on an agreed fundamental set of core values.

Back to the story of Jacob and Laban…

Jacob’s core values were love and protection as witnessed by his willingness to work hard for Rachel and by his extensive fatherhood.

Laban appeared on the surface to be the same. He had a large empire of riches and family. But careful examination of his actions rather than words showed he valued money and power. He used his children to barter for more things for himself. His children were an extension of himself and were expected to fall in line with his expectations and authority. Leah and Rachel were not properly raised to be autonomous or to question why their father forced them both to marry the same man. They did what he told them to do. We learn from Rachel and Leah too that Laban squandered their inheritance on himself rather than thinking about the daughters or his grandchildren.

Laban was not above lies, deception, manipulation, smear campaigns, stalling tactics, and empty promises to retain his connection to Jacob as his unpaid servant. Unpaid servant actually means slave. This man made his son in law his slave and took Jacob’s blessings. He stole from Jacob and broke the commandments for his own benefit. He triangulated others against Jacob too. He ganged up verbally on Jacob and bullied him. He even threatened Jacob and his women and children with violence.

Eventually God exposed this to Jacob. He opened Jacob’s eyes finally that they were fundamentally not the same at their core level and would never be. No amount of arguing or talks could change that.

Sometimes you just have to be done with someone. Not just for you but for your family, your women, and children.

It’s sad, that realization. To realize how naive and trusting you were. It will make you cry for all the wasted time and energy and for having been delayed from your purpose…to see how you were conned, duped, manipulated by mind games that brought chaos and drama and disorganization to your life. Sometimes, you have to realize that the only way forward is to draw a line in the sand, to say no more and that’s enough and I can no longer trust you. You must say you are leaving, to go no contact, and you must muster the courage and bravery to go it alone in a scary new future in the big wide world by yourself. It is very intimidating.

But you’re not alone. Remember footsteps in the sand? When you struggled, there was only one set of footprints because God carried you.

You’re not alone. God got you. It’s gonna be okay. God knows it’s hard. To lose your faith in humanity is to strengthen your faith in God.

Sometimes even the bad lessons of Laban are a blessing in disguise.

You cannot negotiate with Laban but Laban will teach you. He will teach you how to rely on God, how to rely on yourself, and how to not be like Laban and to value and love better those around you and protect them like they deserve.

As they say in the long run…that which was meant for your harm, God will turn to the greater good and benefit of all.